This episode was originally broadcast on the 12th March 2010 at 9pm GMT.

Music in this episode is supplied by:

• Talkshow Boy
• Julandrew
• Leah Randazzo

The person behind it remains a mystery and uses the cover of darkness to remain a mystery. Unfortunately the person in question is being hunted by the police as what is being done is being done on public property. Imagine having a criminal record for knitting jumpers for trees.

It’s been reported that the Mayor and the majority of residents don’t mind it going on but there are always a few people who do. Apparently it messes up the “Victorian charm” of the town.

Lee Jin-gyu, 28 from South Korea has raised a few eyebrows recently because he has married a cushion. The cushion in question has a picture of his favourite anime character “Fate Testarossa”.

Allegedly he takes the cushion everywhere with him: to the park, to the fun fair on rides. He even takes it out for meals buying it food. He may sound like an oddball but he seems like a really good husband. I never treat my girlfriend to those kind of things.

Recently a guy in Japan married a character from the Nintendo DS game “Love Plus”, that’s just pixels. The cushion guy doesn’t seem so weird now does he? Least he can dry hump his cushion.

As he was removing the burnt remains he found something that looks like Jesus’s face burnt into the bottom of the pan. Toby Elles told the Sun “It’s a mircale. But for the smoke it could have been a very bad situation. I’ll never clean the pan, I’ll keep it forever”.

This isn’t the only time that Jesus has appeared in a strange place, he’s appeared on a brain scan, tree trunks, rocks and more commonly on pieces of toast which just conjures up all kinds of fun imagery.

It’s Friday again so turn up your speakers, get up off your chair and have a bit of a dance around to this great song by Paul Simon called “You Can Call Me Al”. You’ll know if you’re doing it right cos people will stop and ask if you’re having a seizure. GO FOR GOLD!

Once upon a time I used to really llike the Jeremy Kyle Show. Especially when he would go around telling these so-called people that they are scum sucking state scroungers who have more kids than sense. It was awesome. Not a lot has changed since I watched it a few years ago and that’s the problem.

There’s only so many times you can react joyously to Jeremy Kyle telling someone to “get a job”. After a while every episode merges into one what with lie detector tests that come up as wrong according to the guests, illegitimate children, stupid fat bints looking for their fathers to then turn around and hate them . That’s not even mentioning that most of the time the guests are all incomprehendable so you need to watch it with subtitles only to discover the subtitles have been replaced by a suicide note by the person who had to transcribe this rubbish.

The two men have apparently argued over the space before or whatever but the old dude is all like “I’ve been parking here every morning for the last 16 years”… To be fair though, it doesn’t mean that he owns it does it?

Anyway, the old man Albers walks up to the Brandt’s truck and taps on the window to talk to the driver, but instead the truck driver opens his door knocking over the old man in the progress. I’m guessing the old guy is frail, he is 85 and has been eating McDonald’s every day for the last 16 years, his insides must be like an Egyptian tomb so it may have been a mistake. Well you could think that until Brandt offers old man Albers out for a fight…

You Americans, you like your big cars and your fast food!

The basic gist is: they put these little unobtrusive recording things on participants so they can hear what they were talking about for a while and categorized conversations as “trivial small talk or substantive discussions”. The happier people spent 25% less time alone and 70% more time talking than the unhappiest.

But it also turned out that the happiest people had twice as much meaningful conversations and only a third of boring small talk than the unhappiest people.

More or less in a nutshell if someone is talking to you about Hollyoaks try to steer the conversation to something more like QI or something. You’ll both feel better for it :D

She was in a massive rush because she was going to meet her boyfriend and she wanted to be all ready for him. On a side note, why was she taking her ex-husband? I guess that factor’s not important right now but still, bit odd.

They crashed into the back of a car which had slowed down to turn left and they sped off into the night as the woman had already been banned from driving and all that stuff the day before. The ex-husband was in the drivers seat when they were pulled over after they switched seats half a mile down the road but they came clean when being asked questions by the police.

Strangely though she was charged with leaving the scene of an accident as well as breaching her ban from driving and now she could possibly be facing jail.

I guess that means tending to your lady garden whilst driving isn’t illegal in Florida, just do it safely…

The Radio Rabies roving reporter tackles some things about last night’s Oscars. Mainly about dresses and how he’s indifferent to them, how James Cameron isn’t as good as his ex-wife Kathryn Bigelow at making films even with a big budget and he also wants to know if anyone knows how to work his webcam properly…

If you have a thirst for animated fictional bands, get ready for your thirst to be quenched because the Gorillaz has finally released their third album and it’s called “Plastic Beach” and if I had to describe it in one word, I’d probably go for “first-class”.

If you enjoyed their “Demon Days” album you will not be disappointed. This album as far as I can tell right now is a lot less conceptual and more like their first album, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that this album is a breath of fresh air in these days of quite shockingly appalling music that is being spewed out of radios around the world.

The Gorillaz has evolved over the years from a strange cult status band into a mainstream phenomena that has musicians clawing each other’s eyes out to work with them. I don’t know what it is about Damon Albarn but whatever he touches turns into gold. That album he did called “Monkey: Journey To The West” blew my mind with it’s damn awesomeness.

As far as the tracks go there are a load of great guests on them. We’ve got Snoop Dogg, Mos Def, Lou Reed and some Swedish / Japanese band called “Little Dragon” who I haven’t heard of previously but I’ve got a feeling they’re worth a bit of a listen.

If you’ve not bought it or heard it yet, I suggest you do so or you’ll be mocked by your friends and colleagues for being so 2009! (Which will only be a good thing in 20 or so years time)

In a blatant bit of stolen news, I was reading my latest issue of geeky magazine WIRED (it’s also covers it here too) and it said that in a recent study of 5000 divorce papers around 20% of them cite Facebook as a factor of the divorce. How insane is that? That’s 1 in 5…

I’m going to go out on a limb and guess it has something to do with people talking to their exs and being found out by a friend who then tells their friend what is going on or it’s because a girlfriend or boyfriend has been snooping around their significant others page, which is never good as it obviously shows that they don’t trust their spouse and that being found out is never good. Especially when they’re innocent.

Do people really care about Facebook that much? It was originally a fun place to find and keep in contact with your friends and family and now it’s a tool to keep tabs on people anonymously.

I recommend that if anyone reading this has contemplated deleting their Facebook page DO IT NOW! Send a message to all the people you want to keep in contact with to give them your email address and delete that page! You will feel cleansed and can confidently say “I don’t have a Facebook page so don’t try and add me!”

It’s Monday and what better better way to get rid of your horrible “meh” mood than watch a cute little kitty called “Mr Peanut” stand up and eat a little treat from his owner? If it doesn’t, you have no soul!

Simon is the new roving reporter for Radio Rabies. For his first assignment he was sent into town to watch the new Tim Burton film “Alice in Wonderland” and review it. Here is what he had to say about it. How many other websites can offer you a talking zebra reviewing stuff?

“Oven Pride: so simple even a man can do it” or “Oven Pride: So labour saving it’s still too much work for a woman to do”. You decide.

This advert really bugs me because, granted some men are lazy swines but then the same could be said for women. If us blokes decide to say that women sit at home all day watching TV doing nothing there’d be hell to pay.

The show was originally webcast on the 5th March 2010 at 9pm.

Just think, us Twitter people have posted that many updates to our profiles. It’s crazy to think that we have all shared what we’ve been doing that many times. I don’t think in my life time that I’ve ever done 10 billion things. What is fascinating is that all those updates we’ve made are all there for us to read at our leisure potentially in the coming years.

“Hey, remember that time I ate a muffin whilst drinking a cup of tea?… says here I did that quite a lot”… or “why the hell did I TwitPic a roadkill hedgehog?”

It’ll be our equivalent of an autobiography

There’s nothing quite like the great feeling that it’s Friday! The weekend is nearly here and what better way to celebrate than a theme song from a TV show set in a time where worrying wasn’t even invented yet! Yay!

At the moment these are just claims but how much would it suck if that was true? The mould breaking charity fundraising event will be tarnished and possibly all those millions of pounds didn’t go where they were intended.

Bob Geldof is rightfully annoyed and hopes that this won’t put people off by donating money to charity. Charity and fundraising has taken a lot of knocks recently what with Bono going around being a bellend and all. Hopefully these claims will be untrue and Bono will stop going around being a condescending cock.

Coincidently you can buy Live Aid on DVD. I don’t think that funds for this will go to the rebels so I wouldn’t worry. Buy the DVD and you can be just like Bono!

It’s not a glamorous way to die and speaks volumes about your private life and sadly it have been discovered that that is how the TV presenter of “To Buy Or Not To Buy” Kristian Digby is thought to have died in his flat recently.

The old “asphyxi wank” is a really bad idea, especially if you’re a celebrity. It’s a bad idea any time. There is no safe way of performing it short of having someone there with you which defeats the object of onanism if there is someone else there to give you a hand as it were.

First Michael Hutchence from the band INXS, then legendary movie actor David Carradine then possibly BBC daytime TV presenter Kristian Digby. Who’s going to be next? My money is on a ex-contestant from The Apprentice”

There has been quite an outcry from music fans at the possible extinction to the alternative music station 6 Music which as David Bowie described as a station that “keeps the spirit of broadcasters like John Peel alive”. There has been 80,000 or so signature added to a petition to keep the station alive but who knows what they’ll decide.

Maybe if they stopped paying the executives so much that claim so many expenses the BBC would be in a better shape.

I wouldn’t worry though it’s not as if they’re ever going to stop showing “Family Guy” any time soon, and if they did, it’ll soon be on E4 and as far as 6Music, there is a cacophony of internet radio stations that play lots of new music as well as website that help promote new people… just saying…

Is it because people have just stopped caring? It it because Chile has stolen Haiti’s thunder? Or it is because the charts don’t actually matter and everybody under the sun has already bought a copy of the Haiti single already? Who knows…

All the blame should be laid on Jason Derulo for his catchy single. The swine!

Mondays are always notoriously sucky. Hopefully they’ll never be as bad as the one that legendary girl had who went on a killing spree just because she doesn’t like them.

The best way to cope with Mondays is just ake your anger and frustration about them and suppress the feelings and let them out in the form of interpretive dance at a later date

Is Gordon Brown a bully? Carl accepts tweets from the Radio Rabies Twitter army… This is an excerpt from the Radio Rabies Live Show/Podcast with Radio Rabies host Carl.

In this video I talk about the recent wet fart of a tsunami that didn’t really hit anywhere, the non existent hand shake between John Terry and Wayne Bridge at the recent match football match of Chelsea and Manchester City as well as what’s coming on TV this week.

In a horrible turn of events, Florida Sea World trainer Dawn Brancheau was recently killed by killer whale Tillikum (anagram of “It Kill ‘Um”). This is an excerpt from the Radio Rabies Live Show/Podcast with Radio Rabies host Carl

This show was broadcast live on Friday 26th February at 9pm GMT. This is an edited down presentation of the episode. Some things have been edited out. This is down to constraints of time and nothing personal.

Why do some beings have no nipples and others have too many? Radio Rabies host Carl explores the strange world of those curious body parts

The woman and her baby were thrown off the bus because another passenger complained about it to the bus driver. Either way, someone was going to be unhappy.

I remember once I was on the bus and this lady was breastfeeding. I complained and I was the one thrown off the bus. Probably a good thing. I’m not being funny but I don’t want to travel with a bus company that condone a 48 year old man still suckling from his elderly mother. Turns your stomach.

OMFG It’s Friday again. Turn your speakers up as loud as they will go and go absolutely apeshit! Punch the air and smash the place up for it is the weekend!

With a name like a killer whale you’d expect people to act on the side of caution but they don’t :(

On the news this morning I saw a report about a lady who has been killed by a whale whilst doing a show at Sea World in Florida. In the report it mentioned that the whale in question “Tillikum” is a killer whale and has killed a few people before.

I’m not down playing the tragic death of the trainer nor am I making fun of it in anyway but you have to question is it a good idea to play and splash around with an animal that is called a KILLER whale and has killed people before. It’ll be like getting Mrs Babykiller to babysit your children.

This tragic event will bring up a lot of questions about whether it is a good idea to have animals in captivity to then train them to do stuff for our entertainment. Some people think it’s cruel and against the instincts of the animals. Clearly in this instance, that is true. I think it’s best that I stop training my pet shark Clifford to do somersaults in my local swimming pool, I’m not sure but there’s something about him I don’t trust…

Whilst discussing Google Buzz, Carl and Andrew get sidetracked and start discussing imfamous German cannibal, Armin Meiwes…

Exclusive! Cheryl Cole and Ashley Cole are to apparently going to divorce. How do I know this top secret information? A little birdie told me. I’ll tell you, but keep it under your hat.

Anyway, I heard that her husband Ashley Cole (a footballer) has cheated on her a few times and he always gets forgiveness by buying her rings and stuff. I guess there wasn’t a ring big enough to forgive him this time.

As I was saying, he’s cheated on her and now they’re going to divorce. In my opinion, it’s been a long time coming. She must have really loved him (and his money?) to have put up with his cheating ways for so long.

Let’s just hope the media won’t get wind of this other wise it’ll be everywhere and there will be so much publicity about it’ll be just like when Princess Diana died.

It’s Wednesday so it means you’re closer to the beginning of the weekend than you are towards the end of it. Yay! Here is a video of the great TV theme tune to Willy Fog’s “Around The World In Eighty Days”

It’s that time of year again where award ceremonies are more widespread than a sexually transmitted disease, and for me just as enjoyable.

What better way to deal with an already egocentric community of people than to lay on a lavish night where they get to suck each other off for doing stuff that only few really passionately care about.

And then there is the spin of shit as well, the media frenzy that will follow what people were WEARING to the awards… “Oh look what such and such is wearing to the Oscars, she looks like a half cooked jacket potato”. This one night is going to be a shadow on the lung of many media outlets.

Roll on the Oscars, then we can all get back to what we were doing before. Stewing in our own juices because no one will give us any recognition for the stuff we do on a daily basis.

Well as of yet, nothing has been confirmed, but as it stands a spokeswoman from the “National Bullying Helpline” has claimed that a member of staff from 10 Downing Street has contacted them because someone there has been bullying them.

I’m not condoning bully in the slightest. But this does reek of a cooked up political scandal. Why would a confidential helpline release sketchy details like that? I wouldn’t be surprised if some scum sucking pig tories were behind this media shit storm. Who’s to say it wasn’t Gordon that rang up?

In a first weekly update I talk about stuff that I edited out of the podcast. Mainly Ashley Cole and Cheryl Cole as well at the Brit Awards!

The article I read out was from the Times website and was called “J.K. Rowling accused of plagarising from 1987 children’s wizard book“. I’m not sure if that is copyright infringement, I will remove the episode if it is…

it’s Friday again! Yay! Here is a song to get you in the mood for the weekend ahead. Woot!

From a very young age I never really understood why it was I just couldn’t get into football. It never interested me. I thought that maybe one day, my time will come and I could be as passionate about it as that guy on TV crying because his team didn’t win some sort of cup. As of yet it’s not happened and I’ve got a feeling it never will.

It all boils down to this: it’s a game where you have to try and put a ball into a net by only using your feet. Obviously there are other rules but at this point, it is just what I said.

I don’t understand how it gets taken so seriously. When teams are paying millions upon millions of pounds to try and get all the best players so they can beat teams who are doing the exact same thing as them.

I don’t understand how it’s ok for football scouts go to schools to try and find the best footballers of the future and then tell them that one day they’ll be great and teach them the ways of football but in the process neglecting them to function as a normal human being.

Footballing is a good profession to get into if you’re a fucking dunce who is OK with women only being interested in them for their money. Least on the plus side when you inevitably cheat on them because the stupid bint isn’t there to give you love, it’ll be all over the papers and you’ll have to pay to keep all parties quiet. Luckily you have such a massive wage packet.

And then one day when you mow down a small child in your expensive sports car that you’re only just old enough to drive you’ll face the rest of your life getting buggered in prison by the fans of the opposing teams.

I also don’t understand how fans can be so involved with “their team”. You hear them on TV and Radio claiming that “we didn’t play so well today” or whatever. I didn’t notice their involvement from the stands. Were they telling them how to play or one of the players? Didn’t think so. I guess that’s another thing, being geeky about football makes you a blokey bloke, being a geek about anything else makes you less of a man.

On the plus least it stops people making brutal murders…

It’s Wednesday and halfway through the working week. In America it’s called “Hump Day” and it’s hilarious because the word “hump” in English is synonymous with sexual intercourse. Anyway, to celebrate, please enjoy this video of one of the best moment in recent televisual history. Jarvis Cocker jumping on stage with Michael Jackson as a protest against Michael Jackson pretending to be a Christ like figure. Michael Jackson was a bellend and it needs to be remembered.

It’s that time of year where us English eat pancakes. I know in other countries that they eat them freely but we have our traditions to stick to.

We eat pancakes once a year, on Shrove Tuesday. It’s supposed to signify the begining of lent and using up all the fatty things that Christians are giving up by making pancakes. It’s one thing that can be said for us English people, we sure like our Christian traditions even though we’re not all practising Christians.

We have a more recent tradition and that’s the TV show Blue Peter and their annual “how to make and toss pancakes” episode. If you wanted to do it, the Blue Peter way, click here for their recipe. Don’t forget to toss them. It’s so much fun as a kid having to turn a pancake over my tossing it into the air like a scalding hot tea towel that may land one your hands or worse still your face, making you look like a screaming Leatherface

Do you ever find yourself typing LOL online. I am always doing it on instant messaging, Twitter as well as text messages to people. It means “laugh out loud”. You’re supposed to type it when you laugh out loud because you or the other person has laughed out loud.

I have been feeling recently that I use the term LOL too freely nowadays, mostly when I haven’t even laughed out loud. I use it now to illustrate that I agree with something someone has said that is a little bit humorous, even if I didn’t actually laugh out loud.

So from now on, I will only write LOL when I actually laugh. I will be using this new code:

• ;) = cheeky wink, you cheeky swine!
• :) = it made me smile
• :D = made me smile a lot
• LOL = I laughed out loud for reals

Everyone should adopt this system. Maybe everyone already does and I’m the idiot.

It’s Sunday so why not sit back and enjoy a bit of “Songs of Praise”. Don’t forget to sing along! Sing loudly. he needs to hear you up in Heaven!

Woot woot woot! It’s f-f-f-friday! that means that the sodding weekend is just around the corner! So loosen your ties, stare out the window and get ready to go home and enjoy two days of no work / school. What could be better? (except Christmas etc)

This may shock most people but I love Valentine’s Day. I love the way it brings out the cynical side of most people who make a big point of how it’s oh so very commercial and was invented by companies to shift crap from their stockrooms.

Well I’ve got a news flash for you all, Valentine’s Day is only as commercial as you make it. You don’t have to buy gifts to show someone how much you love them. It’s a lot nicer if you make them something, you know. Well it depends what you give them. I’ll give you a heads up right now, giving the gift of chlamydia really won’t go down well.

Personally where I live, we have a very unique custom that doesn’t appear to be that widespread. It’s the story of Jack Valentine, some guy who gives gifts to children (much like Father Christmas) on Valentine’s night. Norfolk’s very own personal present giver. The gifts would be wrapped in newspaper and left on the children’s doorstep. It wasn’t until many years later that I realized that this tradition was a strictly Norfolk affair.

I don’t see what the problem is giving gifts to the person you love. I must be missing something there. The sad thing is that in some cases that is the only day that lovers show how much they love each other.

There is a slight downside to it all though. The people who are single during this time go around getting their faces rubbed in the fact that they will be spending the day alone wanking into a flannel. It’ll become too much for some people that they’ll approach someone who they’ve fancied for a while, take the plunge and make it known that they want to put their hands down that person’s pants. For them to then get shot down into flames making their presence around that person very awkward for a little while.

For many years us humans have been fearing something that is simply called the Apocalypse. The end of the world. Everyone and everything all made dead at once. It sure will suck when that happens but there are times when I wish it would get a bloody move on when I’m watching the BBC’s sewer pipe known as BBC Three.

I’ll be honest, deep down I enjoy watching BBC Three but it’s usually to make myself feel a bit better about myself whilst taking in scenes of things that I don’t usually get to see. On other channels this would be endangered species or far off “only just discovered” lands. But on BBC Three this tends to be slappers wearing too much make up or pretentious people trying to forge themselves a career in show business but don’t fancy sucking off a TV executive and would rather resort to making an arse of themselves in front of literally thousands of people.

I was watching a show called “Hotter Than My Daughter”, it’s pretty much a show based around a mother and daughter who the Mum thinks that she is hotter than her daughter. Pretty simple. The twist of the show is that they get the public to vote on who they think should be made under (like their other great flagship show “Snog, Marry or Avoid”) to look less like a middle aged Jordan entering a drag queen contest.

On paper, a show like this sounds entertaining but when it gets down to it, it’s quite a scary prospect that people actually felt the need to apply and audition for a show where you more or less have to claim that your daughter is an ugly duckling or that you’re super hot and not at all over the hill, even though the public will inevitably tell you otherwise.

What is the most scary thing about this show is that there were people who didn’t make it onto the show. I didn’t know that people happily think that they are hotter than their daughter and are more than happy to tell them. A few years ago we laughed at mothers trying to be younger and more atractive than their daughters in a show called “Absolutely Fabulous but now it is OK to actually think and act like it.

There is part of me feels bad for making fun of these poor people but fuck them. They put themselves out there on TV in a light that could only be described as an orange coloured spotlight emanating from a lamp on top of a hill made from disgust and disappointment.

It could be worse though, they could be on ITV2

My dream starts off with a memory of a man that has jogged most days for the majority of his life and he dies. So as a tribute to the guy I decide to do his jogging route. As I leave the house I was in I find that I am actually on the set of “Last of the Summer Wine”.

As I get going I hear someone shouting after me behind me. And it’s only Cliff Richard and he want’s to race me. I tell him I want none of it but still race him.

I wake up and no idea who won or why I was dreaming it.

yeah maybe I should maybe get on with some bloggy blogging. Need some music to get me in the mood… Hang on, here we go!