Archive for the 'satire' Category

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Crash Caused By Lady Doing Bikini Line

Tuesday, March 9th, 2010

I think it’s safe to say that people do a lot of things whilst they’re driving. The most common thing is talking on a mobile phone which in England has become illegal (only a bit mind) but there is a lady who recently caused a car crash in Florida because she was sorting out her bikini line whilst behind the wheel. She wasn’t completely reckless though, she did have her ex-husband in the passenger seat take the wheel when she was doing it…

She was in a massive rush because she was going to meet her boyfriend and she wanted to be all ready for him. On a side note, why was she taking her ex-husband? I guess that factor’s not important right now but still, bit odd.

They crashed into the back of a car which had slowed down to turn left and they sped off into the night as the woman had already been banned from driving and all that stuff the day before. The ex-husband was in the drivers seat when they were pulled over after they switched seats half a mile down the road but they came clean when being asked questions by the police.

Strangely though she was charged with leaving the scene of an accident as well as breaching her ban from driving and now she could possibly be facing jail.

I guess that means tending to your lady garden whilst driving isn’t illegal in Florida, just do it safely…

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Killer Whale Grabs, Drowns Trainer

Saturday, February 27th, 2010

In a horrible turn of events, Florida Sea World trainer Dawn Brancheau was recently killed by killer whale Tillikum (anagram of “It Kill ‘Um”). This is an excerpt from the Radio Rabies Live Show/Podcast with Radio Rabies host Carl

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Help!… Killer Whale!

Thursday, February 25th, 2010

With a name like a killer whale you’d expect people to act on the side of caution but they don’t :(

On the news this morning I saw a report about a lady who has been killed by a whale whilst doing a show at Sea World in Florida. In the report it mentioned that the whale in question “Tillikum” is a killer whale and has killed a few people before.

I’m not down playing the tragic death of the trainer nor am I making fun of it in anyway but you have to question is it a good idea to play and splash around with an animal that is called a KILLER whale and has killed people before. It’ll be like getting Mrs Babykiller to babysit your children.

This tragic event will bring up a lot of questions about whether it is a good idea to have animals in captivity to then train them to do stuff for our entertainment. Some people think it’s cruel and against the instincts of the animals. Clearly in this instance, that is true. I think it’s best that I stop training my pet shark Clifford to do somersaults in my local swimming pool, I’m not sure but there’s something about him I don’t trust…

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The Oscars Are Coming!… sheesh

Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010
Image based on work from Wikimedia Commons user: BDS2006
Image based on work from Wikimedia Commons user: BDS2006

It’s that time of year again where award ceremonies are more widespread than a sexually transmitted disease, and for me just as enjoyable.

What better way to deal with an already egocentric community of people than to lay on a lavish night where they get to suck each other off for doing stuff that only few really passionately care about.

And then there is the spin of shit as well, the media frenzy that will follow what people were WEARING to the awards… “Oh look what such and such is wearing to the Oscars, she looks like a half cooked jacket potato”. This one night is going to be a shadow on the lung of many media outlets.

Roll on the Oscars, then we can all get back to what we were doing before. Stewing in our own juices because no one will give us any recognition for the stuff we do on a daily basis.